Many of the
better dating sites include some advanced personality matching,
but none of them come close to eHarmony’s commitment to matching.
You’ve heard the ads by Dr. Neil Clark Warren... "There’s
a reason why singles who meet on eHarmony.com
are falling in love and getting married."
So how did
Dr. Neil Clark Warren become an expert icebreaker? A singles and
married couples counselor, his articles have appeared in numerous
journals and magazines and he has appeared on radio and TV’s Oprah,
CNBC, CNNFN and Focus on the Family. A University of Chicago trained
Psychologist, Dr. Warren has learned from counseling thousands.
Doing hundreds of "divorce autopsies" have helped him
see why relationships fail and how to find and build stronger
more satisfying relationships.
His conclusion
after 20 years of analyzing failed marriages? "In almost
every case, these were two persons who should never have married
each other! They really didn't belong together. They thought they
did, but they were not well matched."
It’s all about
compatibility.
Looking at
successful marriages Dr. Warren developed a set of principles
that appear in successful relationships and developed a predictive
model of compatibility that has become eHarmony’s Compatibility
Matching System™.
The marketing
of eHarmony is hypnotic. You are constantly fed positive buzz
as you are lead deeper and deeper into the agreement. Just an
observation. Signing up with them picks up where their ad marketing
left off and by the time you get to the bottom line you would
gladly pay a little more for some ginsu knives. It isn’t an unpleasant
sell at all, valid points about relationships run throughout.
All this up front convincing is necessary to get someone to complete
the lengthy relationship questionnaire. So it makes sense that
they gently run you through all the thinking behind their process.
My analytical side does resist, however, when told that something
is scientific, well-researched, etc. when the proof that is offered
amounts to anecdotal success stories and the Doctor's resume of
counseling and Oprah appearances. Most I’m sure aren’t interested
in reading stats and how studies were set up, but for me if you
say it’s scientific...I want the option of seeing the science
right then! For example, I could explain part of eHarmony’s success
being due to the dedicated person it must take to finish a profile.
But this is quibbling over why it is successful. The program
has a lot of merit and I recommend eHarmony.com
to anyone who is ready to find someone compatible.
The in-depth
questionnaire is a lot of work, but fun work; and the resulting
profile is entertaining and informative beyond it’s matchmaking
function. Looking at my profile from a signup I did a couple years
ago it seems an accurate snapshot of who I am; although I think
I made myself out to be a lot kinder than I really am.
500 hundred
questions help profile the 29 personality dimensions that are
used in the matching system.
What are these
29 personality dimensions?
Character
& Constitution: Good Character, Dominance vs. Submissiveness,
Curiosity, Industry, Vitality & Security, Intellect, Appearance,
Sexual Passion, Artistic Passion, Adaptability
Personality:
Obstreperousness, Sense of Humor, Sociability, Energy, Ambition
Emotional
Makeup & Skills: Emotional Health, Anger Management,
Quality of Self Conception, Mood Management, Communication, Conflict
Resolution, Kindness, Autonomy vs. Closeness,
Family
& Values: Feelings about Children, Family Background,
Education, Spirituality, Traditionalism, Values Orientation
Obstreperousness...and
you thought you wouldn’t see a new word today! Anyway the resulting
profile is a fun read (everybody loves to read about themselves!)
and eliminates "99.7%" of people who are not right for
you. For me this meant a list of 5 or 6 women to email. I’m destroying
their sales pitch by revealing this before you start, but if you
are serious about whittling it down to compatibility this is a
unique way to do it. "eHarmony
isn't about dating. Our goal is to help you find your soul mate."
After you
have your matches you can optionally follow eHarmony’s "Guided
Communication" process. This leads you through breaking the
ice, learning the important things about each other, and then
moving along in a real and safe manner. Upon completion of the
Guided Communication, you move on to open communication; or if
you both choose you may go to open communication at any time.
For someone with a history of being misled or falling too fast,
the guided communication is a good tool for establishing early
boundaries.
This is no
"look at the cute pictures and start chatting" site,
but a real attempt to help people fall in love with the right
person.
The letters
of success read like fairy tales. If you believe there is someone
out there exactly right for you, this may be the place to find
them.
About
The Author
Matt Matcherson
is a writer, musician and humorist. Sometimes he even writes funny
music. His site Match Tales brings dating stories, site reviews
and free dating support forums to the web. http://www.matchtales.com
